14/12/2011

Just Another Player In Your Game

I used to think I was about as left-wing as you could get - to the extent that you could have called me a pretentious filthy pinko and I would have probably took it as a compliment. Christ, I once voluntarily became personae non gratae at a Globalisation lecture when I called out somebody for essentially saying that her right to go on holiday to Ibiza and get pissed was more important than the right for sweatshop workers to earn more than a pittance. I even used the term personae non gratae (in italics) - and attended Globalisation lectures. 

But something must have changed - because the other night I saw Andrew Niccol's OWS parable 'In Time' and it repulsed me to the very core; not just on a technical/narrative level but on a moral one. I would put a spoiler warning here - but that would imply there's something to spoil. 

'In Time' is primarily a science-fiction thriller set in a world where time is the only currency; on your 25th birthday you stop aging, which is a pretty neat birthday present. But then a little LCD clock in your arm politely tells you that you have one year left to live, so swings and roundabouts I guess. After that, you're on your own to keep that little clock from hitting all naughts by any means necessary whether it be through employment, theft or being fortunate enough to have a rich relative. Everything is pretty much exactly as it is now, with the sometimes abstract concept of money replaced by the horrifying fact of mortality. Wealth is now even more directly related to your life expectancy and well-being. There is no limit to the wealth one can acquire - making each and every human being effectively immortal. There is certainly no denying that such a concept could make one hell of a movie. It doesn't here.

Enter JT - who is pretty much established as being a good actor by now so I can't really say anything bad about him. Which is a shame, because I can imagine there could be some good jokes in there. Moving on. 


Stop being so likable and talented... you prick!
JT plays a bald man in a dystopian future who finds out his dystopian future is a bit shit when a suicidal rich guy gives him a full century on the house before dropping dead and falling off a bridge. Before doing so, Mr. Richguy points out that - brace yourself - time is in fact an abstract concept which is not actually a limited commodity and the richest 1% ensure that as little time as possible trickles down to the lower classes so that they can reap the benefits of being pretty much immortal and having lots of sports cars and caviar. A dictatorship of the bourgeoisie you could say. This stunning revelation blows JT's mind more than a ten year old being told why 'we don't just print more money'. I'm guessing Karl Marx never existed in this universe. Or maybe JT's character is just an incredibly stupid pillock. 

Things get even slightly more irritating for JT when his mother - played by Olivia Wilde (which means I would happily be Timberlake's Motherlover) - runs out of time and drops dead when her regular bus fare goes up an hour. To be honest, she kind of had it coming - if you're in a position where what equates to a one dollar bus fare increase can kill you, well - maybe you shouldn't be spending so much time/money on the kind of face-goop Hollywood make-up artists use. Things be tough in the ghetto yo; but apparently people can still afford to have their eyebrows plucked by cherubs. 

A woman with her priorities seriously out of whack

Armed with a dead mother, a century on his clock and about three minutes of exposition from a guy he just met - JT moves up a couple of financial zones with the intention of "making them pay" or some shit. At this point, I have literally no idea who the hell "they" could be - he can't just be making a blanket statement about rich people, because that would be fucking stupid. Oh wait, I forgot - THIS FILM IS FUCKING STUPID.


Enter Cillian Murphy (which I would happily do, I mean what?)  - a Timekeeper. Or a "detective" if you will. Sworn to ensure that the flow of time in the various time zones is all running as it should be (a.k.a. as the rich think it should), Agent Murphy is quick to start hunting down JT. Other than providing some form of antagonist in a film which desperately needs one, he doesn't really do much. Sometimes I think he's there just so we can see Cillian Murphy running around in a bitching leather trench-coat.

A noble goal if ever there was one
Once arriving in the super-rich borough of New Greenwich (oh ha ha how clever), JT hits up the casino in order to win some time off the evil, evil rich people. It's here we meet the films massive evil CEO - who is played by Vincent Kartheiser. Which is cheating frankly - casting Kartheiser as an asshole is like casting Steven Seagal as a man who punches people in the face.

A Legacy of Assholes
There's a tense poker confrontation between JT and Pete Campbell, which is when I realise how many tense poker confrontations in movies I've missed out on by not even slightly understanding the rules of poker. To me, the bulk of Casino Royal may as well have consisted of people discussing quantum mechanics in Pig Latin. 

Ah yes, I see Bond has made the clever move of placing
a number of cards of various suits and values on a table.

JT gets himself a love interest (Pete Campbell's daughter) who - through sheer animal magnetism and the fact that it only takes about five minutes of skinny-dipping to coerce her to any way of thinking - JT manages to recruit as a Bonnie to his Clyde. The two set off on a life of crime which pretty much involves taking time from the rich and giving it to the poor. There's a couple of stunningly boring action beats involving Agent Murphy chasing after JT; a hastily brought up and just as hastily forgotten about sub-plot involving Timberlake's father which has no pay-off at all and an out-of-its-arse conclusion that has to be seen to be believed. 

After a couple of bank heists, Bonnie & Robin Hood realise they've been wasting their time when tax increases to a point that counteracts fluctuations caused by their actions. After ninety minutes of nothing - in the final 15 minutes - Love Interest mentions that her father happens to have a Million Years locked up in his private fault. They show up, nick the time and give it all to the poor people - which will apparently lead to the complete and total collapse of the global economy. Agent Murphy gives chase but is so focused on hunting JT that he doesn't realise that he's neglected to top his clock up. Cillian Murphy dies. Timberlake and Love Interest rob some more banks. End.

Throughout this recounting - you might be curious just what exactly irritated me. Christ - where to start? I like to think I'm good at the whole "willing suspension of disbelief" thing - I usually bitch at people if they start pointing out little illogical niggles in sci-fi movies, especially is it's a mainly allegorical sci-fi movie ie. logic takes a back seat to making a statement. But there was something about 'In Time' that really made me blow my gasket AT EVERY LITTLE FUCKING THING. They are so numerous that I can not realistically imagine forming them into a cohesive, flowing series of paragraphs - so here's a bunch of shit in a list.

1. The Timekeepers can track the exact number of years present in the populace of any given zone on the Earth, but apparently there isn't a system that logs time transfers. When a suicidal rich guy gives the Peasant Timberlake his century of time, even though they see it on CCTV they apparently can't just check to see who received the time. This would be fine if there was going to be an "Agent Cillian Murphy being all detective to find out who Timberlake is" subplot - but there isn't. There's five minutes of Murphy looking at CCTV stuff, logging traffic, working out where Timberlake is etc then they know who it is. They could have easily just had Murphy go "Oh check his logs. The time went to Timberlake". Boom - your film is now better paced, blessedly shorter and contains one less illogical fart that could irritate people. 

2. People can steal your time (to the extent that they can effectively kill you) by simply grabbing your hand and taking it. There are apparently no safe-guards to prevent this from happening. Something so catastrophically retarded I CAN'T EVEN WHY THE FUCK. Seriously, I could just grab your hand and steal your life. I know it's only so mugging can still exist in their OWS allegory - but it's still fucking stupid.

3. Banks have Bank Vaults. Filled with time. Bank vaults. Physical bank vaults filled with little computer pads containing time. I know it's just so Timberlake can steal it - but come the fuck on.

4. Cillian Murphy dies because he's so focused on catching Timberlake that he doesn't realise he's running out of time. Apparently, there's no alarm or anything. He checks his arm - it tells him he only has 12 seconds to live and he dies.

5. Agent Murphy was about to ask his work to transfer his wages (time) to his car when he saw Timberlake and chased after him. Timberlake almost dies too - but he goes to Murphy's car and asks for the time. Which the thingy in the car gives him. Because in the future when everybody is effectively immortal, they can't check to see who they're giving the time to.

6. Both JT and Love Interest only have a minute left and they're half-a-mile from Murphy's car. They proceed to spend twelve seconds arguing whether one person should transfer their last minute to the other so they can make it - then about seven seconds making out. Time and a place.

7. A gangster challenges JT to an arm wrestle. They wrestle until the gangster dies because JT stole all his time through the wrestle.  A time-stealing arm wrestle. Fuck you movie.

8. I know we've been over this but - seriously - if you just shake somebodies hand will you just inadvertently give them a couple of your minutes?  

9. JT almost collapses the global economy because he gives a CEO's saved up Million years to a million people. Which is like saying the economy would collapse overnight because a million poor people each received a thousand pounds.

10. Somewhere at the beginning - somebody mentioned something about how the system ensures that people still die in a world full of immortals, to prevent the slight problems of everything being completely fucked in the event of the human race having an incredible birth rate with absolutely no death rate whatsoever. This is never mentioned again - which seems stupid considering what JT's actions could lead to.

Justin Timberlake wishes the world was filled with immortal child molesters - FACT.
11. The film takes the stance the each and every person with lots of money is useless, evil scum that deserves no pity. You never learn what any of these rich people actually do - they just eat caviar and play poker. The idea that any of these people could have not only legitimately earned this money but even deserve it isn't even considered.

12. Love Interest shows absolutely no qualms about pointing guns at civilians, law enforcement and even her own father. I am not on her side. 

13. There's a scene where JT carjacks a rich couple. This is not me seeing a plucky hero standing up for the downtrodden - this is me seeing a violent, bald prick steal somebodies nice car because they had committed the crime of having enough money to buy one. Seriously - fuck this film and its utter contempt for people who have had the audacity of having any money whatsoever. Maybe I'm just so enamoured by the pacifist heroics of The Doctor at this point that any film where the "heroes" do nothing but rob banks and shoot people disgusts me - but there's something about the sneering, exaggerated brush used to paint the "antagonists" that I have a real big problem with.

14. I'm supposed to belief that the aforementioned violent, bald prick is the salvation of mankind - that this bank robber possesses an intellect that can change the world for the better. I don't - his beliefs are stolen from the suicidal rich guy who told him the score and he's too fucking stupid to have any real plan beyond "Buh - let's take all the money and give it to the poor people". It's the kind of idealistic bullshit you'd like to believe could lead to world peace when you're seven - but when you grow up you realise it's all probably a bit trickier than that. He is a stupid cunt and I was on Agent Murphy's side the entire god-damned time. 

15. Maybe that's the point - maybe the film is just reflecting the feelings of the kind of people who know the world is fucked up but have have no real idea why or how to fix it beyond just blindly hating all politicians and rich people. But I doubt it.

You know the main message of 'In Time'? Capitalism is a bit shit. Incredibly mind-blowing and view-altering I know - and certainly a message which needed $40,000,000 (a figure which I can imagine could do quite a bit of good in the less fortunate areas of the world, yeah brah?) spent on it to incorporate it into a Timberlake vehicle. I could make a joke about the film essentially exploiting the current "We are the 99%" climate to the extent that it's capitalising on Occupy Wall Street, but I won't. Except I kind of just did. SO I WILL.

Look - everybody knows Capitalism fundamentally requires that there's always an underclass. Yes, there's better ways a world could operate. I'd love to see everything change. But making a film that just points out how flawed the system is without actually offering an alternative, other than "hey, wouldn't everything be better if we took some money from the rich people and gave it to the poor"? Sound and fury, signifying nothing. Or as I like to call it - taking a shitty action movie and presenting it as a high-concept intellectual thriller which - under a veneer of thoughtfulness and Hollywood gloss - is fundamentally void of anything approaching meaning.

13/12/2011

Insert Fight Club Reference

In case you've been wondering where we've been all year (you haven't - because you're not even there), we've been extraordinarily busy. We were kind of integral to that whole Libya thing - and we've been spending the rest of it mostly camped outside of St Paul's. 

I'm the one with the breasts
We thought this great campaign for great justice was slightly more important that contributing to the praise for the various good video games that came out this year. Which were quite numerous. There were even a couple of great video games. Probably a few more than usual. We would have written something about them, but you know - Capitalism sucks balls.

So that's what's been happening; I've become the Champion of the 99 Percent. Jamie gave up all pretense of writing for this blog aeons ago and Cory has actually been doing something useful at University (breeding hyper-intelligent fungi as slaves) rather than making up stories about becoming the Champion of the 99 Percent or whatever.

Anyway - I'll be back tomorrow with a scathing essay about a movie I didn't enjoy; which I honestly hate doing. I genuinely don't like splooging hate all over something hundreds of people spent hundreds of hours making, but occasionally something comes along that rubs me the wrong way and I just splooge all over it. Just ask my wife*, heyoo.

So tune in tomorrow for that, or I'll kill Cory's experimental hyper-intelligent candida albicans and you shall never have your very own fungal butler.

Look this adorable, defenseless fungal butler
in the eye and tell it you don't care.

*Disclaimer: The idea that Séan could ever have a wife is of course ridiculous considering he ends dirty jokes with 'heyoo'.

16/06/2011

Fans Will Cry

Okay people, this is really getting beyond a joke. I've been a geek just as long as I've been a rabid fan of certain franchises. There was a time when I could quite happily argue for hours on end why The Arbiter should have had a bigger role in Halo 3; when I could spend eons righteously defending Titan A.E. and Sunshine from their many detractors. What? You didn't like Torchwood: Children of Earth - get over here and let me set you straight, motherfucker. 

Recently though, eh. I guess I've lightened up. It was mainly because of Star Trek XI - I went in that theater in full Trekkie mode, all ready to tear that silly action movie a new arsehole. Problem is, fifteen minutes in I realised that I was having far too much fun to really give a shit and burned my DS9 Technical Manual. So, I'm not really a ravenous, insatiable fanboy anymore. Maybe that's doesn't put me in the right position to say what I'm about to say.

PLEASE - SHUT THE FUCK ABOUT DANTE'S HAIR

Really. I'm not kidding. Just shut up. When we reach the point where every single YouTube video associated with the new Devil May Cry is getting mindlessly, obsessively spammed with negative votes it's time to shut up. 

Do you remember how this all started? It started with a two minutes and one second long CGI game trailer.


I don't think I've seen such a response with quite the same vitriolic content delivered in so short a time; I'm not kidding. It only took a few hours for an overwhelming general consensus to form - Ninja Theory has turned Dante into a Faggy-Hipster-Lanky-Twilight-Emo-Smoking-Drug-Addict. If you'll allow me to paraphrase - I can illustrate what the majority of negative YouTube comments consist of.


"OMFFG - WOT IS THIS SHIT?!? EMO MAY CRY LOL.
LOOKS LIKE FUKKING FAGGY TWILIGHT FOR HIPSTERS.
NINJA THEORY UR SO GAY YOU RAPE CLASSIC CHARACTER
FRANCHISE IS RUINED 4EVER LETS BOYCOTT THIS GAYNESS!"
                                                                                        - Actual Fictional Quote


Essentially, these various terms have been applied not because they even slightly relate to the new design of Dante - but because they're catch all terms for things people don't like. Nobody likes Hipster's. Not many folk like Emo's; and we all know that, irregardless of whether we have read or seen anything of the franchise, Twilight is the actual Devil.


Now - I don't mean to get all high and mighty (and I know you're only calling new Dante emo just because you're an idiot manchild with a very limited vocabulary of insults) but really - this may just be a formality but I would like to make this perfectly clear. I don't want to get hung up on character design, but that's what most of the bleating is aimed at. So I'll say it - the new Dante is anything but Emo and you sound like a warbling fuckwit whenever you call him so.


Ninja Theory is a British developer, as such it's inevitable that a lovely little bit of our culture is going to worm it's way in. I'd like to introduce you to the Mod - they look like this.


I miss when smoking was cool...
Dante knows it'll always be cool...
I can assure you that this was intentional - NT has pretty much stated that it's aiming for a 70's/Mod/Punk aesthetic (one I happen to like). Calling him Emo just reveals the following things about you -

1. You're probably American.
2. You don't know anything about any culture that isn't your own.
3. With the exception of Japan. 

Christ, as a matter of fact - are you honestly trying to tell me the original Dante didn't have a bit of an Emo streak. 

Because nipple belts, eye blocking fringes, metal studs and
leather fingerless gloves are in no way Emo or Hipster.
Also, for posterity, here's a wonderfully macho quote from DMC3 -

Lady: Are you crying?
Dante: It's only the rain.

I apologise if I'm being slightly more acerbic than my usual chirpy self. Maybe I should explain my own experiences with the Devil May Cry franchise before you assume I'm just taking the piss out of some butthurt fans; I've been in their situation myself but now, being outside of it looking in, I see just how fucking stupid it all is. So - let's take a look.

DMC: Loved every second of it. Finished seven times.
DMC2: Played it for two hours. Hated every second of it.
DMC3: Liked it. Squirmed at it's plot, dialogue and action.
DMC Anime: Watched first episode. Vomited my lungs out through my ass.
DMC 5: Never touched it - because I had played enough Devil May Cry.

Essentially - the only one I've really, actually loved was the first one. After that, eh. I guess I didn't like the direction the series started taking with the third entry; I got the impression that 1 had it's tongue planted firmly it its cheek - the third one didn't have a tongue. Which is all well and good, but it's certainly what I would describe as a tasteless, cheesy guilty pleasure.

Take that Roger Ebert!

I suppose the reason I'm totally fine with the new Dante is all thanks to the only true British institution - Doctor Who. The idea of the main character of a series (and the fundamentals of the series itself) dramatically changing every few years is one we're totally cool with; mainly because it encourages rejuvenation and original thinking. People don't flip the fuck out when Link changes with each new iteration and Link is a truly iconic design.

If I was being brutally honest, I would never describe the original design of Dante as iconic. He is, essentially, a giant sword equipped; wise-cracking, dual-wielding, white haired, goofy dude. Anybody worried that the new Dante has lost his sadistic sense of joy in the art of battle weren't paying much attention when he put out his cigarette in the face of a S&M puppet-nurse thing. 

Keep in my mind that until this point I have been talking about aesthetics; that's because there's very little in the way of gameplay, plus the character deign is clearly the fan's main concern. When they finally showed us a glimpse of what the actual game would play like, people were STILL FUCKING BICKERING ABOUT HIS FUCKING HAIR. 


I'll be fair, there are a number of the more legible complaints that have reservations about the gameplay; they'd rather have it developed by Platinum Games. Essentially, they want the game to be Bayonetta. Let me explain this. They want Devil May Cry to be like Bayonetta; Bayonetta is the spiritual successor to the original Devil May Cry - they want the game to not change in any single way.

I can understand people's concern regarding change for change's sake, but I honestly think Ninja Theory's game is not an example of this. Capcom could have very easily released another game just like DMC4 and made what analysts call "a capacious suitcase of dosh". They didn't. They knew there would be complaints but that didn't stop them, in the name of (hopefully) making a game we haven't already played they carried on regardless. 

I understand, but I implore you. A new entry of a series can never ruin how much you enjoyed the ones preceding it. You cannot get a feel for a game's approach to combat without playing it. Stop calling yourselves the "real", "true" or "good" fans. Do not bitch about the new thing not being exactly the same as the old thing. If you don't like it don't buy it - but don't launch a fucking protest. The new Dante is NOT a fucking Emo. 

I'm not saying it'll be perfect - it could be fucking awful. If that happens I'll be as pissed with Ninja Theory as you are. But for the love of Christ -

JUST SHUT UP.



29/01/2011

Harsh Language

There's something of a tradition regarding the kinds of games people give me as Birthday gifts. They're usually the kind of games I may have shown some inkling of interest towards, but put off buying because I've heard  some terrible, terrible things about them. This system has so far yielded a couple of gems in the form of the tecnhicolour, neon-strobing hallucination of Project Sylpheed and the angst-ridden, cash-milking Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days. This year saw me receive a copy of Nier which is certainly... interesting.

As first impressions go, what happens when you first put the disc in is a little surprising. The usual SquareEnix logo pops up after which a very angry woman starts shouting at somebody. I hope she's not talking to me because she sounds thoroughly insane - ultimately ordering somebody to pull their head out of their goddamn ass and start fucking helping. Okay, so much for a little relaxing orchestral music. Weird. Although I probably should have expected something like this from the developer who gave us this cheery and not at all harrowing or nightmarish videogame ending.


The weirdness of Nier doesn't stop there as the game spends the next few hours working through your list of SquareEnix published JRPG expectations and pissing all over each one; one the first things you see being an apocalyptic, modern day Earth city. You play as someone who has actually passed through puberty. The adolescent girl with you is your sick daughter rather than a participant in a love triangle. The idyllic village you live in is not instantly pillaged by orcs or burned down by an evil empire. There is blood everywhere. Usually not where it belongs.

What ensues includes mystical plagues, sentient magic books, sheep murder, horrifying enemy design and apocalyptic plot twists - all worked into the tried-and-tested framework of a Zeldaesque adventure game, meaning lots of running around an overworld and paying frequent visits to boss-bookended dungeons. The combat plays out in real time with the usual combination of heavy and light attacks interspersed with bullshttingly powerful magic attack. A heavy emphasis is placed on avoiding attacks by either dodging or blocking as enemies can fill the screen with a volume of deadly, colourful missiles that makes Ikaruga look like a stroll along a beach.


Aside from some hauntingly beautiful scenery; a curiously high level of swearing for a JRPG and a surprisingly solid story featuring more than a few genuinely touching moments Nier doesn't do anything particularly spectacular. The game featuring too many uninspired side-quests and too shallow a combat system to be truly memorable. Although it's unusual atmosphere and tone does lend it a certain charm, the problem with any forgettable JRPG is that there's always another one more worthy of your time. Such as Resonance of Fate - the other overlooked JRPG of 2010 I picked up recently.

The Random Bit at the End!

I would feel bad if I didn't mention that Nier contains one of my favourite songs featured in a JRPG since Crystal Chronicles. For the love of God, listen.

Putting 2010 To Bed

Having realised that the first couple of the huge volume of games I'm incredibly excited about this year start attacking at the beginning of March (Human Revolution and Dragon Age 2 in the same week - a deadly combination), I have spent the last few weeks rattling through the games I missed last year. This is usually how I spend the start of any year and I take a great deal of twisted pleasure from boring people by talking about games they played months ago. What can I say, I'm a terrible person.

So - this weekend will see a veritable, infinite spew of little posts in order to cover everything we missed while the blog was in a coma. I can only (once again) give you my solemn promise that we will update as regularly as we used to back in 2009.

That's a kind of promise.

29/12/2010

Obligatoration!

After the unprecedented success that was last years 'Acts of Digression' awards ceremony (now highly coveted in the industry ®) we have decided the most profitable move would be to do the exact same thing again. We are pioneers.

You may have noticed we weren't as vocal this year compared to last; rest assured that this is only because we were in occupation of a temple hidden deep in some floating mountains where we could experience and reflect on the releases of the year in peace. Or something. Anyway - awards.


GAME MOST LIKELY TO CAUSE AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS
FINAL FANTASY XIII


She punches people and shouts. That's all I can tell you.
The multifaceted, labyrinthine, nightmarish clusterfuck that was Final Fantasy XIII had a strange affect on me. Maybe I was just having a bad year but I honestly think contemplating the nature of this game did me more significant psychological harm than anything else. The friends who I know have loved Final Fantasy for as long as I have also have trouble defining what exactly is wrong with it. All I know is, playing this game can have some fucking bizarre side-effects:
  • Question the nature of existence. Maybe the game isn't really boring; maybe it's just reflective of the linearity of life. Maybe the monotony you're experience parallels the human condition; maybe we're all trapped in a straight line, doomed to walk it until our masters decide what to do with us.
  • Either that, or the game sucks. But that can't be right. Because this is Final Fantasy... and you love  Final Fantasy. Even the bad ones. Because you're a whore.
  • Looking forward to work because it means you can stop playing Final Fantasy XIII.
  • Assuming the only reason you think the plot is an incomprehensible mess is because you're obviously far too stupid to comprehend its subtleties.
  • Trying to convince yourself the art direction is consistent and well-executed. Consistent. Well-executed. It's not a scrapheap of chaotic neon architecture and sporadic character design.
  • To escape that cold feeling you're experiencing play some FF games you didn't like the first time around. Discover you now prefer Crystal Chronicles and Final Fantasy XII. Cry into a pillow.
  • Reflect on how long you've been playing Final Fantasy games. Realise that everybody now aged fifteen weren't alive when FFVI came out. Continue crying into pillow.
  • Agree with what everybody has been saying about series since FFX. Set fire to FFXIII disc.

MOST LAMENTABLE LOSS OF SCARF DURING DEVELOPMENT PROCESS
ALAN WAKE


Scarves also provide incontestable health benefits
Why, who is that handsome devil? It's proto-Wake circa 2006! But what is that fluffy, warmth-giving article slung oh-so-cheekily around his manly neck? I've already admitted that despite it's many (many) shortcomings Alan Wake is pretty much my personal game of the year; I wasn't really that disappointed when they dumped the open-world but MY GOD MAN. Why would you drop the scarf? It looks so... agreeable. Like a fabric compatriot. Oh well, I guess Barry was a decent substitute. Although he doesn't look quite as accommodating. 

DRUNK ACTING OF THE YEAR
HEAVY RAIN

WHADDYA WANT? SOME FUCKEN ARMBANDS? *hic*
Acting (convincingly) drunk is actually quite difficult - paradoxically more so if you're genuinely drunk. You can either practice for years; honing this fine art... or you can do what the guy voicing Scott Shelby's abusive father did. Just slur and swear. YER GIDFER NOUTHIN... HODLIMS! *hic*. GITTHA HELLOUTTA HEEERRRGGGR. COME BACK WHEN YIR FUUUUCCCCKKKIIIN MUDDER GITS HOME FROM WERK! *hic*.

Inspiring.

GAMING BLOG OF THE YEAR

The hardest-hitting blog there is. They ask the questions that developers lay awake at night fearing they may one day be asked. Their editorial staff possesses a rare level of insight and maturity that makes Michael Abbott look like a fucking Gamezville presenter. Aside from providing some of the most controversial and thoughtful samples of games writing over the past year, their frequent guest editors provide a fresh and original take on each subject. You may have even noticed our friend Zcriddly Widdley was featured recently. Frankly, if you're not reading this blog you don't care about videogames. That's all there is to it.


BEST PICTURE OF A DOG DRESSED UP AS THE ENTERPRISE OF THE YEAR
THIS ONE



Merry Christmas; may 2010 burn in hell forever. 

24/12/2010

WonderboyCoz... The Return

It is time, time for the beginning of a new age, an age bound by rules and schedules.

It is time for an age where posts will be put up at least every friday night!

This is the age of Friday Foughts!

An age where friday nights will become an exploration of interesting developments in the world of media and random stuff, brought to you by WonderboyCoz

The first post will go up tonight as POST ZERO, and it is a short one to get you ready for the real first post on New Years Eve!


P.S. Sean - InFamous is Awesome, that is all!


Any and all responses to this will be met with Kirk-Like levels of respect for lesser beings!