27/12/2009

Totally Addicted to Pace

Borderlands - when you get right down to it - is pretty frikkin great. It doesn't have an incredible cast of voice actors - nor does it contain a plot of particular interest or artistic merit. It is a game where you shoot things. Rather frequently in fact. When you shoot these things you become more proficient... in the shooting of things. As far as game design is concerned this is a pretty fucking radical direction.


Many games these days seem to utilise this "shooting things" paradigm but rarely does there seem a point in doing so. In Modern Warfare 2, why was I shooting things? Well - the basic sensation of shooting a things I suppose but that's hardly a new experience. It certainly wasn't for the story. Christ, when it comes to the First Person Shooter I'm hardly ever doing it to see the story. After so many years of the same basic pattern, the same basic story and the same basic gameplay it is so overwhelmingly refreshing to play something as unpretentious and bare-boned as Borderlands. This is for the same reason that I've sank many more hours into EDF: 2017 than Gears of War 2.



Borderlands is a game that knows its place. It knows it was never likely to create a story worth shooting things for. What it does know is that the shooting of things is what's really important to that staple of the gaming diet - the FPS. By wrapping the simple and instantly gratifying act of gun-play around the frame of a Diablo-esque grind-fest, Gearbox has crafted a game that is constantly exhilarating - even when trudging back and forth between two featureless sheds in a featureless desert to claim your reward in dispatching yet another group of generic, apocalyptic bandits.

Every shot - and I mean every shot - contributes in some small way. Whether it be a kill towards a bounty quest, looting a shiny weapon, experience towards a level up, a minuscule increase in weapon proficiency or even just a couple of bucks and a round of ammo - every single shot you take means it's going to be more satisfying the next time you take a shot. If I can do all that in the company of friends - all the better. Suddenly, I don't care if the game doesn't feature Mindblowing Set Pieces (TM) or Visceral Gameplay (TM). All the Hans Zimmer in the world isn't going to alter the fact that once I've killed that first Insurgent I may as well have killed every Insurgent.


Thar be a lot of mouth-flapping around these 'ere parts concerning pacing in videogames. Usually, it seems that when people refer to pacing in a videogame they're referring to it in the same context as film. While this certainly applies to the more cinematic games out there - the Uncharted's and the Metal Gear's - this comparison seems wholly inappropiate when describing the basic device which distributes fun in most videogames. Pacing for me is about the regular distribution of power and gameplay features during the length of the game.


It's the melee combat in Crackdown - going from a puny mall guard who hits like a fly swatter to a hulking, law keeping behemoth capable of punching cars through the atmosphere. It's going from a Van de Graff generator in inFamous to an electrical demigod who could bitch-slap Raiden himself. It's going from a terrified EDF volunteer scarcely able to survive being sneezed on by an ant to a Homing Missile-armed badass capable of nonchalantly whistling his way out of a mushroom cloud. Likewise - with Borderlands it's all about jumping off the bus with a rusty peashooter gripped in you shaking fist and turning yourself into a cool, calm and thoroughly collected wastelander wielding a luminscient firearm that can melt your fucking soul.


All in all - this whole RPG x FPS things works a treat - but let's not all start doing it, hmm? I might just end up craving something like Modern Warfare 2 if every FPS from here on had an obligatory XP system bolted on.

... what's that about MW2's multiplayer?!

Laugh... and Grow Fat!

Hurmph. It appears that for some inexplicable, undesirable and downright dangerous reason it has been left to me to deliver the obligatory declaration of happiness that - by law - is required by everything with a pulse this time of the year. Quite why you'd leave such a task in the calloused hands of a husk like myself is beyond my comprehension - seriously, you might as well ask Nietzsche to bake the fucking Birthday cake.

So... I HOPE YOU HAD A MERRY CHRISTMAS. I also hope that any feelings of joy experienced during the course of whichever winter celebration in which you partook are sufficiently replicated during the advent of the New Year.

... and they said that I was incapable of displaying love and human interest. Hurmph.


21/12/2009

The AoD Award Show : Part 3

And...here...we...go! (SPOILER WARNING)

Greatest Final Boss!

Nominees -
- The Battle Pope : Assassins Creed 2
- Kessler : InFamous
- Albert Wesker : RE5

Winner -
- The Battle Pope : Assassins Creed 2

- Because he is the Pope, and you fight him in Vatican City with your bare fists!

Most Unconventional Yet Deadly Weapon!

Nominees -
- Clementine : Brutal Legend
- The RYNO V : R&C: A Crack in Time
- Nathan Drakes Ego : Uncharted 2

Winner -
-The RYNO V : R&C: A Crack in Time

- Because as is made clear in R&C, this sucker could end all life in the universe and so is one of the few weapons capable of dampening Nathan Drakes spirit, plus its HUGE!

Greatest Form of Transport!

Nominees -
- Electrified Rails : InFamous
- Sticks + Fabric = Flying Machine : Assassins Creed 2
- The Deuce aka The Druid Plow : Brutal Legend

Winner -
-Electrified Rails : Infamous

- Because it feels awesome to ride those rails on foot and out of the nominees, it is probably the fastest if you take scale into account, but I bet it hurts like a bitch!

Worst Celebrity Appearance!

Nominees -
- John Rhys Davies : Risen
- Andy Serkis : Risen
- Lena Headey : Risen

Winner -
- Risen

- Because I convinved myself that Risen wasn't that bad and that the voice acting was passable, I lied to myself and so did those three nominees. Why were they in that awful game!

Greatest Movie Game(Not That This Means Much)!

Nominees -
- James Cameron's Avatar
- Wanted : Weapons of Fate
- Wolverine : Uncaged Edition

Winner -
- Wanted : Weapons of Fate

- Because despite how awesome Wolverine losing his skin and muscles are, Wanted was actually a pretty good game, it made you feel cool, and it was alot of fun, I played through it numerous times and it showed once again that if you want to make a good movie game, don't rush it out for the movie launch!

Best Not-A-Game(Movie) Award!

Nominees -
- Star Trek
- James Camerons Avatar
- District 9

Winner -
- Star Trek

- Because District 9 was a truly original Sci-Fi movie and Avatar was amazing yet oddly indescribable and yet they weren't Star Trek, I went to see Star Trek 3 times in the cinema, I have now watched it about 15 times in total, it is just brilliant everytime I watch it, It has something about it that just makes me smile, every joke, every line, every cast member, it just all fits together in an incredible package!

Best Important Character Death That Didn't Stick Long!

Nominees -
- Ratchet : R&C : A Crack in Time
- Ophelia : Brutal Legend
- The Villians : Batman : Arkham Asylum

Winner -
-Racthet : R&C : A Crack in Time

- Because it was so obvious that Clank was gonna go back in time and stop it, I mean he was standing on a Time Machine(Well, kind of Time Machine) when he died!

Most Awesome Game Trailer(VGAs)!

Nominees -
- Star Wars The Force Unleashed 2 - Starkiller is Back!
- Batman : Arkham Asylum 2 - Wow, that Titan Serum really messed Joker up!
- Halo : Reach - Hmm, those guys are all cooler than Master Chief!

Winner -
- Star Wars The Force Unleashed 2 - Starkiller is Back!

- Because I really enjoyed the first game and will buy almost anything with Star Wars stuck on the front and love it, plus I really like Sam Witwer who is an awesome actor playing one of the best Expanded Universe characters in a really good video game story. Plus a schizophrenic Vader/Yoda coversation combined with fighting a monster that size has to win!

Worst Game I Played This Year and Never Want a Sequel!

Nominees -
- Risen
- Dynasty Warriors 6 : Empires
- Divinity 2 : Ego Draconis

Winner -
- Risen

- Because several weeks after its release, I was still playing it for some reason, and them Dragon Age arrived at my door and instantly Risen was forgotten and I realised that it was absolutely dreadful, it was a waste of time and money, it wasn't good in anyt way, why did I enjoy playing this terrible game, WHY?

Best Game I Played This Year and Now Want the Sequel!

Nominees -
- Uncharted 2 : Among Thieves
- Batman : Arkham Asylum
- InFamous
- Assassins Creed 2
- Dragon Age : Origins

Winner -
- All of These!

- Because I am a cheater and this is my blog, meaning I can do what I want, but seriously, I really want to see InFamous the most, just because it could really go far into some interesting stuff!

ESND - Well, thats my awards out of the way, I now ask that Sean put up some kind of Sum Up post and a Merry Christmas/New Year thing!

Awards!!!

Best Beard Progression

Nominees:
Batman, Batman Arkham Asylum
Ezio Auditore de Firenze, Assassins Creed 2
Eddie Riggs, Brütal Legend

Winner:
Batman

This was a hard decision for me and my fictional panel of Beard Experts (Chewbacca, Gimli and Lemmy ). This year really has been poor for facial hair development. After hours of bickering we were left with three choices.
We eventually agreed the winner should be based on growth speed. Batman was the clear winner here. Although he technically didn’t grow a full beard, he had grown a rather admirable amount of stubble in a few hours whereas Ezio’s took well over 20 years and Eddie’s was added through DLC…

Best Hair Care

Nominees:
Nathan Drake, Uncharted 2: Among Thieves
Alistair, Dragon Age Origins
General Lionwhyte, Brütal Legend

Winner:
Nathan Drake

Seriously, where does this guy get his hair gel? Waterfalls, rivers, high speed vehicle chases and not a single hair out of place.


Most Abusive Character In A Party Based Game Who Uses The Alter Ego “The Green Goblin”

Nominees:
Norman Osbourne/ The Green Goblin, Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2
Norman Osbourne/ The Green Goblin, Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2
Norman Osbourne/ The Green Goblin, Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2

Winner:
The Green Goblin

“Aw, this guys quite crap. Pumpkin Bombs are poor, Gas bombs are piss. Napalms great though.
Wonder what happens if I double jump? HOLY SHIT!!! KNEEL BEFORE THE MIGHT OF THE GOBLIN!!!”

Best Inclusion Of A Megadeth Song In A Video Game

Nominees:
High Speed Dirt, Brütal Legend
Sweating Bullets, Guitar Hero 5
Yellow Submarine, Beatles Rock Band

Winner:
Yellow Submarine

Wow! Who’d have thought such a mediocre and completely unimportant band like the Beatles could do such an awesome cover of a Megs Song?

Scariest Moment

Nominees:
Realising you were on the last level of Brutal Legend mere hours after beggining. Brutal Legend
Pete Venhkman corridor scene, Ghostbusters: The Game
Finding out your main Christmas present is Guitar Hero 5, Jamie Ferrier: The Game

Winner:

Jamie Ferrier: The Game

Oh fuck...fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Anyone wanna swap a plastic guitar for cancer?

20/12/2009

Prestigion!

Yes, it's that time of the year again folks! What better way to celebrate a year of broken promises and laughable blog traffic than doling out barely-sought after awards? Let the Yuletide spirit commence! You don't need us to tell you what 'Game of the Year' was - let's face it, you probably have your own mind made up and if you haven't, I'm sure you can find another publication with a little more weight behind it to make it up for you. So, allow me to introduce the first (and let's face it, probably last) Annual Acts of Digression Awards Ceremony... Thing! Yay!
The ceremony consists of thirty awards (constructed from the finest Muesli boxes in all the land). There are three categories each consisting of ten awards - The Casey Awards, The Paton Awards and the Ferrier Awards. If you're looking for a helpful comparison, think of the Casey's as the equivalent of an Oscar; the Paton's are your Teen Choice Awards and the Ferrier is the equivalent of one of those "Worlds Best Mum" mugs you get.
Most Convincing Humanoid Guise Assumed by a Gelatinous Entity of the Year
Winner: Assassins Creed 2
Oh sure, the environments are stunning and the animation is incredible but deep down - you and I both know - the creatures inhabiting the world of Assassins Creed II are far from human. They lack facial registration of emotion even when faced with the murder of family members. They kick Leonardo DaVinci in the stomach in a very unconvincing manner. What is their intent? I know not. All I know is... THEY'RE HERE ALREADY! YOU'RE NEXT! YOU'RE NEXT! YOU'RE NEXT!
The Carth Onasi Award
Winner: Dragon Age Origins - Alistair
Bioware are just hot off their success with Kaidan Alenko as the party member you never use. It's incredible to think that here they are, receiving this award all over again. He tries to be funny, but he also bitches at you about slaughtering children. What a pussy! Screw him, the pooch is taking his place in MY roster.
Biggest Heartbreak at the Loss of a Minor Character Who Was Introduced Less Than an Hour Ago Award
Winner: Uncharted 2 - Jeff
For Nathan Drake, it was love at first sight. Oh, how he and Jeff flirted! Years of sexual repression hidden by a layer of misogyny and womanising suddenly washed away in a single, glorious moment! They had one walk together - Drake wrapping his thick, warm arms around Jeff as they squirmed their way out of a drizzled warzone - before his life was cruelly taken by a Serbian madman. *sniff* Thanks for the input... Jeff.
Best Testicle-based Assault Committed by a Costumed Vigilante of the Year
Winner: Batman: Arkham Asylum
Biff! Baff! Crack! Burst! Squirt! I don't know about you, but my (I like to think) above-average knowledge of the history of The Dark Knight leads me with the impression that the being that murdered Bruce Wayne's parents was a human being - not a testicle. So why is it that during his horrible, over-night stay at Arkham he felt a pressing need to punish the testicles of escapees rather than the escapees themselves? Who knows - but it certainly seem that Rocksteady's combat engine was built from the ground up to allow the Caped Crusader to carry out his own brand of testicular justice.
Mission Objective of the Year
Winner: The Wheelman - "Get the Astra"
Some games order you to blow up that submarine or hijack that helicopter. Some games ask you kindly to cave in some blokes skull with his own golf club. Not The Wheelman. No - Vin knows you don't want to do anything exciting, original or exotic. You want to get the Vauxhall Astra. Go on, get that fucking Astra.
The "Where the Fuck Did My Life Go?" Award
Winner: Fallout 3
Seriously. That many hours? Are you kidding me? Jesus, I've spent more time in the Capital Wasteland than I have breathing.
The "Wait a second...This Isn't Dragon Age: Origins!" Award
Winner: Risen
Let's face it, this sack of mediocrity isn't going to get any other award. Let it have this. The only person I know who purchased it hasn't even seen the box since Dragon Age came out.
The "Fuck it! I'll Buy The Goddamn Thing!" Award
Winner: Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2
Okay, fine are you FUCKING HAPPY? Can you stop talking to me about the epic perk layout you took for a test run last night? Go back to talking about Twilight and Facebook - at least with those I know there isn't even the slightest chance in hell that you'll annoy me enough to participate.
Most Graphic Method Utilised in the Murder of Clifford Bleszinski Featured in A Daydream of the Year
Winner: Cucumber Violation
Because nothing says Merry Christmas like a cucumbis sativus caked in the brains of the man responsible for the "Dom's Wife" subplot in Gears of War 2. *phone rings* What's that? That was Joshua Ortega's fault? ... I'm sure Cliffy B had something to do with it. I stand by my principles. He deserved to have that gourd forcibly inserted into that orifice.
Most Broken Promises & Penny Arcade Plagiarisms Made by an Obscure Blog
Winner: Acts of Digression
Oh wow, there's just so many people to thank. First, I'd like to thank my parents and of course my agent...

15/12/2009

Blog, VGAs and Galen Mareks Return?

alright, first off, want to apologise for the extreme lack of content, despite promises to the the contrary, I really don't think reviews are what we should be doing, because frankly, with everything going on right now, education, work, Christmas, I don't think any of us want to spend time playing through an entire game and then writing about how you should or shouldn't buy it, by the time we have finished a game and written a review, you could of found a review online, from say www.giantbomb.com (plug!) about a week before so, I think we should retain our former status as "A Haven for Non-sensical Ravings" because frankly, that's what we are best at and Reviews and such are too structured, too...sensical.

Great, so now we have that out of the way just wanted to say that I watched the VGAs live on Saturday night, and it was actually pretty cool, much better than last year and with some great celebrity appearances, but the best stuff was the world premiere trailers for some stuff that sounds great. Trailers for Arkham Asylum 2, True Crime 3, Spec Ops: Cool Dubai Apocalypse, Halo: Reach: Badass Music Cue and of course...

The trailer for the new Star Wars game, which is not Star Wars Battlefront 3, but it is very welcome, Galen Marek or Starkiller as he is more commonly know is set to make his return in Star Wars The Force Unleashed 2, how did he survive?, what is this arena?, two lightsabers!, YODA?

all of these questions will be answered in LATE 2010, but until any real info comes out, here is the trailer, which was presented in the most badass way by the most badass motherfucker around, Samuel L. Jackson!



ESND : Sometime this week, we are all going to see Avatar, and we will discuss our own Game of the Year awards, because we don't care about Best Shooter or Best Studio, we care about Best Cape and Best Explosion!

- After the new year, Wonderboys Trailers will make an EPIC return with slightly more structure, a rundown of the 5 best trailers for films coming in 2010, whoop!

21/11/2009

Prick us, do we not bleed - wrong us, shall we not revenge?!

I would first like to thank Sean for the great service he did with his guide to trek movies, although I do have a few niggling complaints...

ST: TMP - Don't Watch This!

ST : WOK - If you don't watch this I will chase you round the moons if Nibia and round the Antares Maelstrom and round Perdition's Flames before I give you up!

ST : SFS - Watch for Christopher Lloyd Klingon and the greatest acting that William Shatner has ever performed(Klingon bastards you killed my son!)

ST : TVH - Watch this because it is a hilarious family comedy, its the one you loved as the kid and so can't help but love it a little unless you're Sean

ST: TFF - Shatner vs God vs Sybok... Oh Sybok...

ST : TUC - This film is constant as the northern star!

...but Sean was right about all of the Next Gen films although Nemesis can be enjoyed by people who don't like Star Trek, I know!

ESND -I am hereby claiming Assassins Creed 2 for review purposes, so far... its good and I will probably do a little review of Ratchet OR Clank which doesn't need much said about it, its the best R&C game to date and possibly the last.

Jamie you bloodsucker, sometimes I think you might post something on this one day, sometimes you try, but like a poor marksmen you keep missing the target...

JAMIE... JAMMIIEE!

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